Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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