We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
