evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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