cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.