Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag