All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room