Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle