True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.