How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
