I think my fart just growled at me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
