Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
