Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
