I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
