...so i touched it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sober January is a disaster.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
