he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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