Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
