I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
