Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
