Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize