I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
