Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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