Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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