So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
