Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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