Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
