The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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