Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
