I'm drive I can fine osifer
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
