dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
