so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
