I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
