I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Text me some of your sweat
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
