I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
