i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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