my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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