i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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