It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
