Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
