chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize