Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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