He uses pillows to masturbate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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