Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
