New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
