I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
