My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
