cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
