sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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