Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
