Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
