i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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