i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
