So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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