Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The feeling are messing with the penis
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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