I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
