So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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