Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
