I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
