Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
