There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He did a backflip because drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
