I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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