True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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