I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
