so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i think i just lost a toe
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
