No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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