i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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