also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
