i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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