my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
