"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
