you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
