so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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