? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
